Categories

the siggimus gazette

-sveiki
-do you know?
-sept. 1
-going to the movies
-siggimus’ new lodgings

sveiki & paldies

greetings to all of siggimus’ fans the world over

thanx to all of those who have been in contact recently, especially johann (how is fylkir doing?), kari, krumma (mogginn came this morning, delivered directly to the siggimus door :), hardijs (for inviting siggimus to stay in his castle)

do you know?

you know how people say ‘good night’ & then sometimes they add ‘sleep tight’ because it rhymes with ‘good night’ & then some of the really adventurous ones say ‘& don’t let the bedbugs bite’

you know how they sometimes say that?

er… how do they, like, do that?

sept. 1

sept. 1 is a very special day for us latvians. everybody dresses up and either goes to school or takes somebody else to school, for it’s the first day of school for everybody. lots of people get flowers, & go on the buses with huge bouquets of flowers, & everybody goes to mcdonalds & the young’uns get very happy meals & balloons. then the kids that are old enough go have a beer or eleven

it’s a very special day. special & festive atmosphere

given a tint of surrealism this year, when a gang of scottish football fans were added to the mix

siggimus leaves it up to you to imagine the spectacle of 2.000 drunk scotsmen in kilts, putting down their bagpipes in between sessions of ‘scotland the brave’ to ogle at & drool over the drunk young local chicks

going to the movies

going to the movies is always an adventure. an hour & a half into the insider, when approximately half of the audience has left to pursue other adventures, siggimus notices a young chick deeply engrossed in playing the worm game on her nokia while her companions are involved in a heated debate that surely didn’t have much to do with the movie, as they weren’t paying much attention to it

in an exciting scene in fight club, siggimus discovers that members of the terrorist organisation ‘we don’t like this movie’ are present: a mobile goes off, and in the brutal fashion of its ruthless kind, the terrorist answers

when siggimus isn’t being distracted by people playing with their nokias or talking about their nokias, siggimus is being distracted by the regular telephone, sitting inconspicuously on a table up against the wall, with a comfy chair on each side. this raises countless questions:
-is it there so that the only person in the audience without a mobile doesn’t feel left out? in case he has to tell his mom he’ll be late for supper?
-is it going to start ringing during the movie?
-if it starts ringing, who is going to answer?
-what if it’s for siggimus? does siggimus take the comfy chairs as a sign that siggimus can feel free to chit-chat?
-do they ever get prank calls?
-why are there two comfy chairs & only one phone?

siggimus’ new lodgings

siggimus ir kustigs, like they say. moved on aug. 20. just when it seemed like he was going to have to return to the student hostel, he was lucky enough to get a room in the north wing of a friend’s castle. the room is about the size of a comfortable jail cell, but there are no bars on the window, & siggimus can let himself out without too much trouble

siggimus shares a fairly big apartment with approximately 4 latvians & a fireplace, 1 of whom knows a bit of english, and another 1 of whom is eager to learn. he has already mastered ‘good morning,’ & everybody is still waiting for the second lesson

never in his life has siggimus enjoyed such gratifying & deserved showers. it’s not the fact that siggimus can’t lock the door, or the fact that there’s a girl living in a small room back of the bathroom. nor is it because of the lack of mirror, forcing siggimus to shave to the mirror in his beauty bag, the one that used to be 3×10 cm before it broke into 7 pieces

no: it’s having to go out to the shed to get big bits of firewood & then chop some of them up into little bits of firewood, & then putting fire to the whole lot of them before he starts to wait for half an hour

for someone who’s used to turning a smallish knob with a bit of red on it for the same purpose, this makes siggimus feel like he oughta be knighted

the complaint

siggimus does have one complaint about his lodgings, though: the roommates. siggimus means, he has nothing against spiders per se. but siggimus just feels they could chip in a bit. knowing that money ain’t such a big thing for most creatures with more than two feet, siggimus offered them to stay in peace if they caught the mosquitos that occationally break and enter the room

siggimus has reason to believe they do not deliver their end of the bargain. he has already had to execute 3 of them in the most brutal fashion with a library copy of einar karason’s ‘heimskra manna rad.’ siggimus’ suspicion is further reinforced when he tries to confront their leaders about it: they look away sheepishly & scuttle into the nearest corner

& please don’t get siggimus started on the bedbugs!! countless times has the just siggimus invited the devious creatures to send a delegation to negotiate a solution to our predicament, but to no avail

the bloody cowards just continue with their guerilla warfare, heinously attacking peaceful siggimus without warning in the calm of the night

siggimus wakes up scratching and screaming at the vile critters to show their faces or antennae or whatever it is that these little buggers have to show

aaaaarrrrgggghhhhhhh!!! that itches!

at last count, siggimus gave up, having found 30 little red and itching mounds on his right arm

the cruel little sestupeds can thank their tiny little evil god that siggimus doesn’t have nuclear capabilities
yet

farewell

so long, and thanx for that fish

tune in to the next newsletter to read all about:

-the commute
-receiving mail
-job
-new watch
-something else

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