siggimus of the world

or, a sorry excuse for newsletter twelve & one

siggimus finds himself increasingly positioned in what has come to be known in icelandic as cucumber season. this is when little or nothing takes place that is actually newsworthy, & the media resort to inventing innocent little bits of news

alas, siggimus is unfamiliar or uncomfortable with this sort of filler. if nothing of consequence happens, nothing is written in the siggimus chronicles. hence the silence

this is not to say that siggimus sits idly by

no, quite the opposite! siggimus has been working like a tiny but busy little ant, updating & fixing web siggimus, giving it a few additions before entering it into a huge personal webpage competition which he is sure to win

siggimus pities his competition. all 300 of them


mayhap this cucumber season is connected to the intended number of this newsletter?

the number betwixt 12 & 14 has in common folk lore often been attributed to bad luck, or at least serious lack of good luck

bah! humbug! siggimus doesn’t get himself tangled in that sort of silliness. he thwarts fate yet again

actual newsletter bit

it ain’t much, but at least there is a bit that made it into the newsletter

the encounter with the silly lift

recently, siggimus had an encounter with the stupidest lift he has ever had an encounter with. which is saying a considerable something when siggimus has encountered the simple-minded elevators of plavnieki, riga, that are hard put to do even one thing at a time

siggimus went into a brand new 4 storey building in reykjavík. not a bad building as far as new buildings go

like some of its brethren, it has a lift. but whereas the simpleton lift in plavnieki had 4 functional buttons for its 9 available floors, this little queen of elevator silliness has 9 available buttons for its 4 functional floors

in case you’re wondering; yes of course siggimus tried pressing all the buttons just in case there was something extremely exciting on an invisible 7th floor, hovering above the visible bit of the building

not so

mind you, siggimus is still trying to decipher the messages the lift tried desperately to send him. it said ‘er’ time & again as if it were considering what to say, or even how to say it, but never got around to saying anything sensible

siggimus is not a stupid siggimus, so of course siggimus tried a few top secret but powerful combinations of numbers

alas, to no avail, although siggimus surely got a wee bit too close for some evil entity or other’s comfort: a big but janitory looking feller stood & stared at siggimus intently for some 10 mins before asking him to leave

10 mins later, when janitor was getting overly agitated & threatening violent measures lest siggimus cease his newfound activity, siggimus decided that an altogether different approach was required & aborted his mission

for the moment


so siggimus has drafted a schedule for further investigation of this, with 8 volunteers doing rotating 3 hour shifts, taking care to inconspicuously change clothing every 20 mins. bearded folk could greatly enhance any possible disguise by shaving off their beards in increments

volunteers please surrender to siggimus, who is in charge of organising basic training

[14 march 2001]


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