siggimus is back!
& this time with a vengeance
hear ye! hear ye!
prick up yer ears real good for the joyous tidings that after a tedious & uneventful period of hibernation, during which siggimus did little worthwhile apart from picking his nose & gurgling a bit, siggimus has returned to a world near you
this time it’s personal
so the world can relax a bit
in this newsletter
-new place (more kustiging)
-other other reunion
-siggimus adds an agent & acquires even further fame in eastern europe
-other new job
having been promised gold & green forests, siggimus, at siggif’s insistent prompting joins jónas, the messiah of green fingers, & his happy gang in their crusade to make reykjavík a prettier place
siggimus has had to heroically suffer the variousest of hardships in his quest for a better capital for his fatherland: battling snowstorms; wading through deep rivers of mud; shovelling mountains of earth & sand; sawing grass; witnessing a pair of naked chick’s legs of an undetermined age strutting a wiggly strut on the wrong side of a pane of glass; a suntan that will last days; & a mini noah’s flood; but as siggimus has always said: ‘all in a day’s work for us superheroes’
or, siggimus ir kustigs
when siggimus hasn’t been working like a dog working, siggimus has been working like another dog moving. siggimus spent may 1st kustiging his stuff from all over the place to one new place, or jauns dzievoklis, as they used to say in latvija & has spent most of his invaluable free time ever since moving stuff around & carrying up fridges & televisions (that have taken it upon themselves to start raining themselves on siggimus as if they were raindrops & not televisions! anyone wanna trade a tv for an oven for baking stuff in?)
the new casa siggimusum is a veritable palace, a penthouse high up on the top of a 3 storey skyskraper, with a multitude of spaceous little rooms into which siggimus intends to lure a hoard or two of innocent, hot little swedish chicks of his fancy
should you desire to tip siggimus off about any hot little swedish chicks of his fancy, the new address would be
siggimus has been blessed with both neighbours & a front door as old as the hills & this can cause problems when the exquisitly carved medieval front door is entered or exited without due caution: front door slams an earthquaky slam & ancient neighbours have heartattacks fretting about the poor door, a close friend, apparently, from their viking youths
so, next time you visit, do siggimus & ancient neighbours the grand favour of entering or exiting with due caution
oh, happy day!
siggimus would like to take this opportunity to celebrate being lovingly reunited with his much belovéd telephone number (+354) 551 1179
feel free to peruse it
oh, also happy day!
tears were shed on both sides at the heartfelt reunion of siggimus & his best friends ever; his cds
other other reunion
oh, also also happy day!
siggimus finally remeets with his bicycle, rusty & old, but some of its bits still functoning
siggimus takes new & improved agent
or, new & improved agent takes siggimus
siggimus has located a new new & improved siggimus agent in bulgaria, & about time it was!!
the siggimus bulgarian career had reached an all time low & the new & improved siggimus agent has truly been a breath of fresh air, or squirt of vitamins if you like
in its first week, the new & improved siggimus agent has siggimus accidentally apply for a job as editor of something or other at some weekly paper in sofia called kapital. siggimus’ relative ignorance of bulgarian, apparently the language of the publication, seems no obstacle, as hirers instantly ask siggimus when he is arriving in sofia
further negotiations ensue, followed by the bulgarian buggers’ declaration on april 11 that they wish to compose a wee test for siggimus to ace
siggimus wonders whether the bulgarian buggers are attempting to compose the test in icelandic out of an overdose of respect for siggimus
hannibal goes bulgarian
hyperactively, siggimus agent gets hannibal a bulgarian passport & starts parading him around the place
the philistines at kapital see fit to reject hannibal, probably so that the rest of their stuff won’t look bad
but the geniuses at …no! this has already been excellently put to words in the siggimus diary [17 may 2001 entry]:
anyhoo, hannibal seems to have made it to print in the highly esteemed & venerable publication starshel, which has received its high esteem & venerability for publishing great works of humour & satire in its 50 years of existence (despite its hitherto shameful record of publishing siggimus)
siggimus is proud to have in this single stroke been joined by several nobel prize winners & other dignitaries
upon receiving the literature, the editor in chief promptly grabbed hold of the nearest telephone & rang the siggimus agent in a fretful fit, asking in a voice quivering with emotion whether siggimus could possibly honour them greatly & accept an invitation to join their humble literary competition, aleko 2001
on behalf of siggimus, agent gracefully accepted. further news as it happens
the royalties, approx. $2.5, go to financing a section in the future siggimus museum, siggimus eum
should you want to practice your bulgarian through a magnifying glass, siggimus has provided you with evidence. siggimus has for your convenience marked where it says siggimus & islandija with that box, & the red line is under the bit that says hannibal
become a siggimus agent!
now even you can become a siggimus agent!!
is siggimus properly represented in your corner of the world? why not do something about it?!
just ask his permission, translate some of his most genious work into your silly language & sell to a reputable publication near you. having siggimus accidentally apply for jobs editing some really important stuff doesn’t hurt either
this year only!!
get siggimus published in an actual publication in your country of choice & you will be eligible for spending up to 10 days in his exulted presence, worshipping & idolising him!!
if you are lucky you’ll even get to travel a bit with him!
er… if you are lucky & willing to pay
somehow the world seems to have decided that it would be excellent to have a siggimus for editoring stuff (mayhap this is a direct consequence of his highly successful career in copy editing at the baltic times) & on top of that thing editoring for those philistines in bulgaria, siggimus was for a brief time considered for editoring the mess that is www.europay.is. he wasn’t considered long, for he soon proved to be the ideal siggimus for the job & will commence shortly
siggimus’ only worry is how he will look in the suits he is required to wear. siggimus has had 4 ties in his lifetime & one of them was made out of bright red leather but otherwise looked like licorice & another had a picture of the pink panther on it
being a siggimus fond of celebrating stuff, siggimus has decided to celebrate/boogie the return of siggimus ii with a vengeance
sunday june 3 2001, around 8pm-ish
casa siggimusum (cf. address above)
you are required to attend, on penalty of death or a wart or something else horrible
bring expensive presents for siggimus & be prepared to squeeze him (& possibly even smooch a bit, in case of femalility) in a congratulatory manner consistent with siggimus’ high standing in society, but especially outside it
to demonstrate the 1st 1st prize in the siggimus best new & improved agent contest, siggimus bulgarian agent will be guest of honour, handing out smuggled bulgarian cheeses & wines from melnik & demonstrating the printed version of hannibal to all & sundry to gasps of awe & impression
bring your own beverages, although siggimus is attempting to locate his old bottle of absinth, partaking of which will probably be optional & comfy chairs, if that is something you are fond of
please to register for attendance (& state how many chairs you are bringing so siggimus will have some idea how many chairs to steal) by putting your hand over this & poking it, which will cause you to send an e-mail to email@example.com
siggimus has finally returned from a shopping expedition that resulted in a mocca coffee pot!!
so, coffee&siggimuslovers of the world come & visit siggimus for a delicious cup of espresso!!
[26 may 2001]
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