stuff siggimus isn’t bothered to call anything else
finding occasion to move the siggimus leather jacket, chinaman #1 (jia), sees fit to exclaim in broken icelandic that it is probably the cause of his back trouble
in fact he gets so excited about about this that he pulls out scales and proceeds to weigh himself, first alone and then holding the jacket
‘five kilo!!’
shakes head in bewilderment
*cough! cough!
alert the media!!
a non-back-related sick day…
siggimus hitches ride with keg’s taxi to his domicile, or rather tells keg as they approach his domicile that siggimus won’t be going downtown. keg tries to argue, but siggimus is adam ant
eventually, siggimus wades snow up to his ankles, snow that had snowed in the past 3 hours, still in the suit from work & stuff
reaching the door, it slowly dawns on siggimus that the keys needed for opening it, are not with him
turning around, siggimus sees keg & taxi disappear
instead of panicking, siggimus decides to call for another taxi
11 minutes later, siggimus reaches cab company
cabcompanywoman: ‘might take a while’
s: ‘how big a while?’
ccw: ‘the ball will be over, toots’
siggimus explains predicament & ccw promises to do her best to help
24 mins later, a cab arrives from out of the snow & takes siggimus to work
siggimus wades snow up to his knees to get in
villi wakes up & laughs at siggimus, who takes the opportunity to change out of suit & into comfy clothes & sneakers
den runs out to cab again to go back home, where a soft bed & a cranky parrot have been waiting for him all night
the moment it struck felt like ages. all sorts of thoughts crossed siggimus’ mind before he dared admit to the cabdriver that the siggimus wallet was still in the back pocket of his suit pants, hanging neatly on a wooden coat hanger where he had left them not 7 minutes ago. siggimus contemplates offering cab driver his tv as collateral, but decides against it & asks him to drive him back again…
so, an hour & approximately €35 poorer, siggimus finally gets in to be with the cranky parrot
straight from the victories at grand rokk, siggimus, snorripet & keg (also fondly known as the alcohol fairy) head on over to keg’s joint for some more beer & the final episode of icelandic idol
quite a jolly good time is had
straight from work, siggimus & 3 colleagues head to grand rokk for to participate in their weekly pub quiz
in the pub quiz one teams up in teams of 2 to sit silently & try & answer excrutiatingly difficult questions
the reason? if you win (& get over 15 points), you get a full case of beer 😀
anyhoo, 30 questions such as ‘who collected the finnish kalevala poems? full name please” later, siggimus & teammate snorripet exchange answers with another team to grade their answers
they got 7
[a momentary pause, for the reader to reflect upon the terrible score that siggimus & teammate ended up with]
trattera!!
surprise!!
siggimus & snorripet got 11 😀
the winning team got 16
siggimus’ leg is starting to get a bit restless 😐
what’s with the gods these days?
why do they always have to play these nasty trix on siggimus?!
forgets the thingy on his ankle when he wakes up & gets brilliant idea!!
fucking with them!
see, siggimus has been participating in clinical research for restless leg syndrome
yes, restless leg syndrome [more]
siggimus doesn’t have it, but a close relative does. apparently this means that your legs are a bit restless
anyhoo, this research involves sleeping with some silly gadget tied to an ankle for five nights, and filling out a questionnaire every morning about how siggimus slept. the questions include when did siggimus go to sleep, how often did he wake up, did he drink coffee, did he drink alcohol & stuff
the gadget is supposed to measure the restlessness of the leg during the night
staying up all night, shaking leg all around, but answering the questionnaire as if it was an uneventful night…
serves them right, right?
saw it
‘none of us is as dumb as all of us’
‘always remember you are unique. just like everybody else’
wakes up at 7.13
knot back
what’s with waking up after 3 hours of sleep following all that boogeying..?
goes to work-christmas-boogey with knot in tummy
not half bad!
singing christmas carols seems a bit off this early…
good eatings
the mouse that siggimus suspected was in his package turns out to be a cat!!
soon after named lucifer rather than beelzebub
initiation ceremony was short & relatively painless to those concerned. this year’s freshmen got off easy *has nightmares thinking of his own*
retarded dj wants everyone to participate in inane & silly dance games, most of which involve accordion polka interspersed with ‘proper music’
dey has macallan at the bar, so it ain’t all bad…
den after a while, a part of the gang takes off for nasa, although they end up at thorvaldsenbar, where siggimus dances his wee socks off with heiðdís & m
mmmm 🙂
strutting home, mobile rings again
‘hello, is this siggimus again?’
‘ya again!!’
‘did siggimus ponder yet?’
‘tell siggimus more!’
hmm, siggimus would have to go to tampere for 6-12 months & do some software testing, real important stuff:
-testing stuff
-meetings
-hunting for bugs
-reporting
-suggesting improvements
-adhoc testing look it up!
‘hmmmm
let siggimus ponder some more, ok?’
‘sure thing, siggimus!’
mobile rings while at work
‘hello, is this siggimus?’
‘ya!!’
‘siggimus wanna come work for me in finland?’
turns out this dude works for a humongous recruiting agency in london & somehow stumbled across web siggimus & found da cv promising (d’uh!)
‘hmm, lemme ponder a while, why don’tya?’
‘sure thing, siggimus! as you wish!’
mmmmm… finland 🙂
it takes a wee bit of coercing & bullying & some creative rulemaking at the hands of one ept, but the old boys manage to conquer the chickens
turns out it’s the cops!! cf. 23 november 2002
da cops have taken to keeping tabs on siggimus
under surveillance, sorta
As the Chinese proverb puts it, “Your speech should be better than silence, if not, be silent.”
da man is on to siggimus!
siggimus’ gotta watch his fingers as they nimbly scuttle across the keyboard now :/
manages in second attempt to procure much wanted tickets to see the king himself!!
the world truly is a beautiful place today
🙂
bjössi gaga by curing a hickup by the one failsafe remedy
intrigued?
contact siggimus for details 😉
bjössi gaga calls at 17.08
wants to drop in
hmmm
this in itself is ok, but siggimus’ worries are later confirmed when bjössi asks if it’s ok he brings a bit of beer…
ugh :/
óli palli sends siggimus a mail, scolding him for not picking up his prize & demanding an address
siggimus, of course obliges the king & promises to wait out by the imaginary mailbox until the little surprise arrives
weeeeee!!!
siggimus wonders
why is it that web siggimus is being visited time & again from the servers of the ministry of justice?
oddly enough, these people all seem to come through an msn.com search for ‘siggimus’
is this turning into siggimus’ biggest fanclub?
hmmm? are you a member?
in the middle of the night, even!
dis does not compute
doesn’t go to a gala premiere of that latest bond flick
having to endure all the ‘famous’ people we have scared siggimus off
well, having to endure that lot & having to rent a tux…
since he’s skipping football, siggimus organizes a meeting in the reading group
mmmmmmm! talk about scrumptious!!
one could discuss that one forever 😀
& it turns out, dey is making it into a film!!
who da fuck is sandy johnson?
unavailable for football, seeing as siggimus’ foot is extremely swollen & blue
all of this is due to the treatment of siggimus at the hands of a new colleague, henceforth known as ‘the executioner’ (or the tent :D)
surprisingly enough, the executioner is a lawyer
anyone notice a pattern here?
in fact the similarities don’t end there!! not only is this dude a lawyer, but he’s also in charge of dealing with the serious debtors
lesson learnt: beware of lawyers who have made a career out of parting you & your money
erm… doesn’t that cover most of them..?
too busy to celebrate :/
having watched that flick again & ate some more pizza, andri is returned to his parts
andri calls & asks if he can come over & stay for the night
softhearted little siggimus can’t say no to the little rat, so he comes on over
they rents one & buys pizza & stays up ’till the wee hours
siggimus decreed the best uncle in creation
finally gets around to replacing the ole mattress, whose springs have been poking him hither & thither & bruising him all over & wrecking his back
buys an astronaut’s mattress for millions, the type that leaves a hole after siggimus gets up 😀
them millions better have been spent on a miracle cure that fixes the crappy siggimus back in a few days…
foot turns purple 😐
invite siggimus & other marketing gurus from work to celebrate moving to a new place
quite the shindig
a number of supposedly famous artists get the dancing going
siggimus & svandís apparently smother all hope of getting a raise in the near future by not participating in the conga snake
afterwards, all go to that thorvalden bar thing with 3 hot chicks from a bank
football goes a bit sour after siggimus allegedly roughs up an opponent, a brand new colleague/part-namesake
part-namesake not too happy & his foot encounters the siggimus foot in a rough manner
in an unsurprisingly heroic manner, siggimus stays on & keeps his team afloat, leading them to a glorious 10-0 victory
finally goes to the theatre!!
man!!
been way too long
meets up at b’s brand new crib (congrats! it’s great) for a soup & some wine before trotting down laugavegur to þjóðleikhúsið for to see a play (duh)
the play was a stage adaption of a flick
the movie was impressive & powerful
but this, wow!
siggimus was close to tears at times 😐
goes bowling with work
sets his goal high: managing what he barely missed last time: finishing last
fails aboninably! finishes 13th out of 17 dudes & that’s not counting the chicks :/
even wins the second round on his lane
this will not do, siggimus!!
tsk! tsk!!
den off to karaoke-crooning pub ölver, where he finds olikr & steinunn stef & sigga who are der crooning with fréttablaðið. turns out ólikr had just been on a panel selecting the least bad crooner & made a few enemies in the process. good thing he’s parted ways with dat lot & joined siggimus’ profession instead of that journalism stuff
anyhooo, boogey on! party hearty!!
great & beautiful company, great whiskey
what else can a siggimus ask?
goes right from work to dad’s for a wee cake-party to celebrate his 77th, skipping football & missing the chance to be #1
overworked, siggimus falls a wee bit ill & stays home
actually, was more ill at work yesterday, but sorta needs time to recover
does that
big sis’s friend in puter trouble, so siggimus is called for & asked to fix puter
takes a good deal of time, but siggimus finally manages to purge the old thing of da bugbear virus, but that’s where it stops. not able to install antivirus 🙁
sentences the wreck to the scrapheap
gets paid in pizza
jonkurteiz finds himself in the same predicament as siggimus, so he calls up & wants do go out & do just anything
dey agrees dat dis means dey’ll at least have something to say if someone should ask them what they did over da weekend
dey plays a bit of pool
siggimus wins the first two & is mental victor of 4th game too
buys ( )
mmmmm
life, slightly used, preferably in good condition, but siggimus ain’t too choosy these days…
mmm, finally saw this one
read the book, saw the flick, now all that’s left is to eat the pie
wanted to see if they were right about how it depicted things
trying to get a peek into bjössi gaga’s head
not sure that was quite what he got…
physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results, but that’s not why we do it
in recent years, as siggimus’ fame grows outside the relatively small, close knit circle he has mingled in until lately, he has begun receiving requests for assistance from the variousest corners of the world. This time, not surprisingly, siggimus has been contacted by one of the makers of history (or his wife, well widow by now, rather), for assistance
some background
our story begins on oct. 20, 1934, when joseph désiré mobutu was born in lisala, in what was then known as belgian congo. joseph received his education in missionary schools before enrolling in the belgian congolese army for a stint, later moving on to journalism
joseph met & befriended congolese nationalist leader patrice lumumba & soon found himself in the midst of the fight for an independent congo, free of the oppression of its evil belgian rulers & was in a key position on june 30 1960, when the democratic republic of the congo finally got its hard earned independence
mobutu then gently stabs his close friend patrice lumumba in the back, choosing to side with president joseph kasavubu & the cia in a wee mutiny 8 days later. but that isn’t really surprising as lumumba was an evil marxist & maoist
5 years later president kasavubu gets into an argument with some feller named moise tshombe, & our hero sees this will not do & selflessly decides to be president himself, giving the others a well earned rest
mobutu was fond of african things so when he was in control, he took to renaming stuff: congo bebame zaire in 1971, & in 1972 he himself became mobutu sese seko kuku ngbendu waza banga (which siggimus has roughly translated as “the all-powerful warrior who, because of his endurance & inflexible will to win, will go from conquest to conquest, leaving fire in his wake”) & ordererd everyone else to take african names too
he also donned a leopard skin cap and a wooden walking stick topped with an eagle, a symbol of power that allegedly took the strength of eight normal men to carry. not surprising that he carried it lightly, seeing as at the age of 7 he killed a lion with his bare hands, & in a battle he fought against zaire’s enemies, bullets and spears bounced off his chest
mobutu’s endurance & inflexibility no doubt helped him conquer the presidential elections in both 1970 & 1977, although evil tongues maintained that the lack of other canditates helped him a bit
these same evil tongues spoke of corruption & evildoing, some even resorting to the word kleptocracy to describe the situation, insisting that our hero was amassing a personal fortune at the cost of his poor little countrymen
bah humbug! siggimus says to that. these are just the jealous tongues of people who have yet to perfect the delicate art of a prudent & frugal household as did mr. & mrs. sese seko. siggimus means! even old ronnie reagan described him as a “voice of good sense and goodwill.” & he described himself as “kind, sociable”
story draws to end
well, the story comes close to a tragic end in may 1997 when rebel leader dr. laurent désiré kabila seizes control of zaire, turning its name back to democratic republic of the congo, sending the happy sese sekos; m. & mobutu & their loving sons, timothy kongolo & basher into exile in abidjan, cote d’ivoire. from there they are off to togo, where they stay with mobutu’s old friend & dictator, gnassingbe eyadema
from togo they unsuccessfully tried to get to france, before settling in rabat, morocco where poor old mobutu on sept. 7, 1997 succumbed in his heroic battle with prostate cancer
surely a tragic day for democracy
today
anyhoo, now mrs. m. sese seko has gotten in touch with siggimus via e-mail, asking that he help her free some of the hard earned money (by one estimate $5 billion) her late husband had managed to secure in a swiss bank but the wicked kabilas (dr. laurent of course, & since his demise, his son, joseph kabila has carried on the torch) have been trying to get their slimy hands on with the assistance of the corrupt governments of switzerland & other evil european countries
the next step in this messy business is for siggimus to contact the venerable m. (as siggimus likes to affectionately call her) & tell her where to deposit some $18 million. soon after this, kongolo sese seko will get in touch for to iron out the details, which are, of course highly confidential & cannot be shared with you lot
siggimus can’t wait to start working on this what must be the justest cause he has ever come across & siggimus has come across some mighty just causes, mind you