{"id":1357,"date":"2007-07-22T18:42:00","date_gmt":"2007-07-22T18:42:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/vu2057.freddie.1984.is\/siggimustest\/2007\/07\/inventor-siggimus\/"},"modified":"2007-07-22T18:42:00","modified_gmt":"2007-07-22T18:42:00","slug":"inventor-siggimus","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/siggimus.com\/siggimus\/2007\/07\/22\/inventor-siggimus\/","title":{"rendered":"inventor siggimus"},"content":{"rendered":"

socks<\/p>\n

we all know how impossible it is to sort these little fuckers when they come out of the washing machine
\"\"<\/a>they all look the same when they come out of that thing, so you have to spend 3 hours on each pair, matching them together
\"\"<\/a>you’ve painstakingly sorted them and carefully put them on your feet, but when you get to work, lo and behold: they suddenly look completely different!
\"\"<\/a>& we all know that not even casual fridays allow mismatched socks<\/p>\n

*dramatic pause<\/p>\n

but now siggimus inc. has come up with the solution to all your sock-related issues<\/p>\n

siggimus inc. introduces the best idea since sliced bread (or mayonnaise. whichever came latest)<\/p>\n

*trattera!!<\/p>\n

the ez-sok!<\/span><\/p>\n

the only sock in the world with serial numbers!<\/p>\n

instead of spending hours and hours every week on sorting mismatched socks, you simply check the serial number and look for a match<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>short demonstration
out of your big sock-pile you (or, as in the above picture, your beloved ferret) pick a sock at random<\/p>\n

now whereas with the old-fashioned method, you would try and determine colour, wear & tear, analyzing material & patterns, counting holes and guessing age, you just look up the serial number<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
let us pretend that the serial number in our fictional demonstration is 549189-15691684438-546-654651s216491116684-6546549410358743-164584-L<\/p>\n

the serial code clearly indicates that this sock is made out of new zealand wool in indonesia using child labour and it has jolly pictures of green elves and fairies dancing<\/p>\n

now all you have to do is look for the matching sock, which of course has the serial number 549189-15691684438-546-654651s216491116684-6546549410358743-164584-R<\/p>\n

when you find it, you waddle the pair up, careful not to get the two mixed with another pair & place them in their own tiny little drawer in your brand new sock-holder (sold seperately, see www.ez-sokholder.com for more info), writing the serial number on the little label for easy reference<\/p>\n

as a bonus, should you ever end up with a single, un-paired sock when you are done matching the socks in your pile, you simply log onto www.ez-sok.com, type in the serial number and report the other one missing<\/p>\n

should anyone come across the missing sock, they can easily locate its rightful owner and return it to where it belongs, your foot<\/p>\n

log on to ez-sok.com right now and get your life subscription of socks<\/p>\n

special 2 for 1 offer for you only: buy one sock, get one free! (you only pay for the more expensive sock)<\/p>\n

as a bonus bonus, you get our patented method of telling which foot the sock is supposed to go on, so no longer will you need to ponder this age old question every morning<\/p>\n

from siggimus.blogspot.com<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

socks we all know how impossible it is to sort these little fuckers when they come out of the washing machinethey all look the same when they come out of that thing, so you have to spend 3 hours on each pair, matching them togetheryou’ve painstakingly sorted them and carefully put them on your feet, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1357","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-nothing"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pcQPg2-lT","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/siggimus.com\/siggimus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1357","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/siggimus.com\/siggimus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/siggimus.com\/siggimus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/siggimus.com\/siggimus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/siggimus.com\/siggimus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1357"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/siggimus.com\/siggimus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1357\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/siggimus.com\/siggimus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1357"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/siggimus.com\/siggimus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1357"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/siggimus.com\/siggimus\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1357"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}