adventures in the elevator

much like kenny, he always has the hood of his parka up

he’ll never enter the elevator if you’re already in there

if you enter the elevator with him already in it (as he lives on the 6th/top floor and has to perilously travel past all the other floors every time he leaves or returns, this happens fairly often), he will move as far away from you as he can (in an elevator, this is not very far)

he never talks to anyone. when the elevator goes up he’ll sometimes mumble something about crashing. the moment he gets outside he’ll start chanting something. occasionally he’ll shout something, but it’s never directed at anyone. at least not anyone you can see

in his seven years living there, siggimus has never ever ever ever heard him making conversation

.

when the elevator door opened to let siggimus in, a pained expression came over him. he looked down and inched closer to the wall

siggimus entered the elevator and pressed the close door button

‘what does that button do?’

‘you press it to close the door’

‘the door closes automatically’

‘erm, it makes the door close a little bit faster’

‘…’

‘this button keeps the door open’

‘…’

as if …

a slightly crashed into car wasn’t enough …

a broken bike (a bit actually came off! – quite an important bit) wasn’t enough …

a dead tv wasn’t enough …

a laptop starting to pose as a paperweight wasn’t enough …

another dead tv wasn’t enough …

the (admittedly) ancient desktop puter has now decided to follow suit

google effing body browser literally killed it dead

after some 2-3 mins of showing the wife (a nurse) the incredible magic that can be performed with modern technology, the prehistoric machine gave a hiccup, froze, started whining like mad, and a few mins later passed away

(a moment of silence, please)

to borrow a bit from a classic:

it’s not pinin’! it’s passed on! this puter is no more!

it has ceased to be! it’s expired and gone to meet it’s maker!

it’s a stiff! bereft of life, it rests in peace!

if it wasn’t a puter it’d be pushing up the daisies! its metabolic processes are now ‘istory!

it’s off the twig! it’s kicked the bucket, it’s shuffled off its mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisibile!!

brand “new” tv, part ii

“new” tv is kinda working now

sorta kinda

there was no functioning remote, so there was no way to search for channels

a flick through revealed four or five channels, two of them with actual proper sound and not just white noise

those two are sky sports 2 & itv 2. so this weekend was x-factor weekend. probably last week’s stuff on repeat, not that it makes much difference if you didn’t watch it the first time

managed to get some actual tv by recommissioning an ancient vcr that has spent the past 6 years or so taking up space & showing incorrect time

no remote for that thing either, but you can (with difficulty) search for channels and such without one

yay!

unfortunately, a long long time ago, the makers of the vcr decided it would be real clever to include a feature that kills the thing if you don’t use it for 5 mins. you know, puts it to sleep, to save electricity and whatnot

not insurmountable in itself when you have a fancy remote & can remotely poke it back to life, from the relative comfort of your greenish, if aging, couch

but … well, at least we’re getting more exercise

(part i of “new” tv saga)

out with the old

& slightly broken

the old and slightly broken - turning off when it thinks we´ve watched enough - one

the old and slightly broken - turning off when it thinks we´ve watched enough - one

in with the … erm … older & slightly less(?!?) broken

the new and slightly less(?) broken - no remote to search for channels - one

the new and slightly less(?) broken - no remote to search for channels - one

so the old, humongous & broken tv that had taken to going off with a highly dramatic poof! when it deemed enough tv had been watched, has been replaced with a new(?!?) one that’s way petiter & fits snugly in the cabinet (a biiig plus)

now, if only we could find a remote that works with this new one so we could search for channels other than sky sports 1, itv2 (pictured, in the middle of x-factor), the state tv channel with no sound & omega (local christian abhorrance)